Running & Returning

Tau Malachi
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Running & Returning

#1 Postby Tau Malachi » Sat Jul 09, 2005 11:17 am

It the Sefer Yetzirah we are taught, “If your heart runs, return it to the Place (Makom).” According to the masters of the Tradition, Makom is a name of God, meaning the Omnipresent; it is the awareness that the Shekinah of God is everywhere. This is reflected in a psalm, “Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to the heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there” (Psalm 139:7-8). The idea of running and returning is present within this teaching from the Sefer Yetzirah, and it is present in the psalm as well, for ascending is running and descending is returning, at least from the point of view of the incarnate soul. This is reflected in the vision of Jacob’s ladder, in which he sees angels of God ascending and descending between heaven and earth – the Torah specifically speaks of angels ascending first, and then speaks of them descending. Aside from teachings associated with this story in the Torah concerning actual angels, the appearance of “angels” on Jacob’s ladder may have several other meanings. They may be the prayers of the faithful and elect, which ascending to God bring forth a descent of blessings, and they may also be the tzaddikim running and returning, ascending and descending between various “rungs” or levels of spirituality – various levels of consciousness and awareness.

In the practice of Gnostic Christianty and Christian Kabbalah we must gain skill at running and returning, or so we are taught by the masters of the Tradition. In other words, we must learn how to yearn and seek higher levels of spirituality, and how to enter them and integrate them, while remaining centered and satisfied with our present portion. Likewise, on the occasions we are blessed to enter and experience a higher level of spirituality, but then seem to fall back to a previous or lower level, we must learn how not to despair or become discouraged – we must learn to cleave to Messiah and the Mother Spirit throughout all situations, circumstances and events of the spiritual life and practice, during flows and ebbs just the same. This is called “skill in running and returning,” and it is among the skills of a true initiate.

Quite naturally, we will ascend and descend through various levels of spirituality – various levels of awareness and consciousness, in our spiritual journey. In all things in this life there is a natural flow and ebb, for the existence in this world is a constant continuum of change – we live in the Realm of Becoming. Indeed, every time we ascend to a new level of spirituality, we will naturally experience a descent, which challenges and puts to the test the new attainment; when such a descent occurs, if we do not abide and continue cleaving as before, and yearn for the higher spirituality – then the higher rung will elude us, and we will not be able to integrate the new level of spirituality. This is one of the greatest obstacles spiritual practitioners face, for experiencing a new level of spirituality, but then seeming to “loose it,” many are deceived and become discourage, and to not persevere to integrate themselves into the new level of spirituality – an integration that requires a regression, making way for the new progress. The truth is, when we ascend and then descend, nothing has been “lost,” but rather a work of integration is under way, a secret labor of the Holy Spirit, and we must learn to abide in faith and continue in the spiritual life and practice just the same.

When we experience a challenge in the spiritual life, or life in general, and then find ourselves in a crisis of faith or we find ourselves breaking off from our daily spiritual life and practice, essentially, klippot of vital demand have been revealed – for quite obviously we believe we are the doer, and we seek the glory of kings, self-glorification, not the glory of God. If the spiritual life and practice were for its own sake and for the glory of God, then it would not matter to which rung of spirituality we were able to cleave; but if it is for the sake of the egoistic self it will matter a great deal and we will find ourselves in a vital reaction or vital recoil when we seem to fall back or face some trial and tribulation in the Way. It is important that we recognize such reaction and recoils for what they are and respond appropriately, for only then can we acquire skill in running and returning, and continue our ascent into higher levels of awareness and consciousness – higher levels of spirituality.

This is true of life situations as well, for we will all experience good times and bad times – flows and ebbs, and if on account of difficult times we compromise our spirituality, then, in essence, we are giving in to the egoistic self, the Opponent (Satan). If I wish to draw near to God in good times, and to praise and give thanks to God in good times, but then do not desire to cleave when difficult times come in life, clearly there are klippot of vital demand and insincerity intermixed with my faith – as yet my faith is weak, and gnosis is not present or has not been integrated. In such moments we are in need of self-purification and repentance – a restoration of our faith and cleaving (devekut); we must turn again to the Light, and invite and welcome the Anointed and Mother Spirit.

Quite naturally, we will all have our moments when we give in to doubt and various forms of negativity, but whenever we see this happening we must restore ourselves to the spiritual life and practice with even greater vigilance and effort. The truth is, the greater the descent and challenge, the greater the potential blessings and ascent the Mother Spirit has in store for us – but we must actively aspire and cooperate with Divine Grace in order for her to accomplish her labor in us. This is especially true is we feel called to actual Self-realization in Christ – the Supernal or Supramental Consciousness, for a dynamic surrender to Divine Grace is necessary, and equanimity: inward repose, whether in the midst of good times or bad, flow or ebb.

When we are least inclined to the spiritual life and practice, it is the most crucial period for the spiritual life and practice: it is the time we can make radical leaps in the ascent of consciousness towards the Most High. In those very moments the attainment of Eheieh becomes possible, for they are moments of “I am prepared to be,” and continuing in the spiritual life and practice we draw upon the Shefa of this Essential Name of God; only in the midst of trial and tribulation the face of Eheieh is hidden, so we must draw down the Supernal Shefa in faith. As it is said of Abraham, “His faith was accounted to him as righteousness,” and on account of his faith he was victorious over the Kings of Edom (the Dominion of Klippot) and entered into the communion of Melchizedek – the Enlightened Ones.

St. James speaks of the skill of running and returning in his letter, when he writes: “My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4). There are many subtleties in what St. James is saying, including diverse spiritual practices; but first and foremost, St. James is pointing to the gnosis of Makom – that all situations, circumstances and events manifest according to Divine Providence, and that whether above or below, the Holy Shekinah of God is present everywhere, within and behind all that transpires, whether in what we would call “good” or what we would call “bad.” Indeed! The Spirit of God is speaking to us within every situation, circumstance and event, and the Risen Messiah and Mother Spirit is with us throughout all of our experiences in our soul’s journey – in the midst of trial and tribulation, or difficult times, we need only persevere and cleave inwardly in faith, maintaining the continuum of our spiritual life and practice. In so doing, we will integrate ourselves to the highest rung of spirituality presently possible to us and create the necessary conditions for Divine Grace to carry us in ascent even further, to yet higher rungs of the Ladder of Lights.

Now here we must speak a deeper mystery of running and returning, for the tzaddikim run and return on account of love and compassion for all living spirits and souls – for if the tzaddikim remained in the highest rungs and did not return, they would not be able to form spiritual connections with souls below to help uplift them. Likewise, when we experience a descent it is not only about ourselves alone, but it is our opportunity to uplift the world and all humankind – for the tikkune of our soul is the tikkune of this world and the tikkune of the World of the Sefirot, according to the masters of the Tradition. This participates in something of the of the Mystery of the Crucifixion, the Rite of Ransom, and reflects the true intention and skill in running and returning; for we do not embrace the return or descent for ourselves alone, but for the sake of all living spirits and souls – hence, for the sake of kavod Elohim, the glory of God. This is the very nature of the Great Work, the harvest of souls.

Perhaps this may begin a discussion of teachings on “running and returning,” and associated spiritual practices.

May the Mother Spirit empower us to run and return, all in the peace and joy of the Messiah of God, amen.

Blessings & shalom!
Tau Malachi
Sophia Fellowship
Ecclesia Pistis Sophia

Elder Gideon
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Running to Return

#2 Postby Elder Gideon » Mon Jul 11, 2005 10:22 am

Shalom Tau Malachi!

Having sat with this teaching for a bit, I'm penetrated by something I've listened to for some time but am only now realizing was never heard, namely that running is for the sake of returning.

Desiring the next rung running up the ladder of lights has been a private and very subtle source of grasping and vital demand, similar with the posture with which we begin on the path, of seeking to receive for ourselves alone. It's a trophy on a shelf, or worse, its like the stuffed head of some creature blankly looking back at me from the wall! Seeking to receive for myself alone, how is there real and experiential movement to the "next rung"? This seems to misunderstand of the point of running altogether! If however, I seek to run and ascend for the sake not of trophies or recognition but of imparting, meaning living from, sharing and serving FROM the paradigm granted in a peak experience, then running is to empower returning!

In light of running to return, I'm inspired by a whole new dimension of Yeshua's teaching in the Sermon on the Mount regarding "treasures" where he says

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

While treasures often speak of materiality and desire directed "down and out" (egoistic self-grasping), it seems that treasures here also reflect our maturing intentions while running and returning on the path. I'm hearing that running to return and serve, "there my heart will find its makom-place." javascript:emoticon(':wink:')

Thank you!


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Treasure in Heaven

#3 Postby Tau Malachi » Wed Jul 13, 2005 11:57 am

Greetings Brother Michael!

When Lord Yeshua speaks of storing up “treasure in heaven” in the Sermon on the Mount it immediately follows his instruction on hitbodedut meditation – prayer and meditation through which we commune with God’s presence in seclusion (“in secret”). When he speaks of a “secret room” it may well be a sacred space set aside into which we retreat, or it may be a place in the wilderness into which we retreat, yet it may also be the sanctuary of our heart or the cave of our skull in which we experience this seclusion for the sake of communion with God’s presence; hence, a turning inward and upward – Godward, and an inward cleaving to the Messiah and Holy Shekinah. In essence the Master teaches us to go within and live within, seeking not the glory of men but the glory of God (kavod Elohim); hence, “storing up our treasure in heaven.”

When we become involved in the study of secret or esoteric knowledge and aspire to higher rungs of spirituality, seeking enlightenment and liberation, at the outset, typically speaking, it is rooted in self-cherishing and the desire to receive for oneself alone; hence, we are seeking a “personal salvation” or a “personal self-realization.” In essence, we are seeking to preserve the egoistic self, which is quite the opposite of spirituality and which leads to various kinds of spiritual materialism and idolatry of peak spiritual and mystical experiences. The “feel good” spirituality in much of the “new age movement” and so-called “modern spirituality” is an example of this spiritual materialism and idolatry, in which genuine spiritual education is shunned, as are all of the more challenging aspects of the spiritual life and practice. Essentially, many would-be truth seekers desire peak spiritual and mystical experiences, and all of the glory, but are unwilling to the spiritual labor and the ordeals of initiation.

The idea of storing up one’s treasure in heaven could very well play into our egoistic tendency to seek personal salvation or enlightenment, but the nature of “heaven” as it is meant here is the Sacred Unity, the Holy One, and is love and compassion – service to others. This “treasure” is the knowledge and experience the soul gains, the development of its capacity for love and compassion, and all of the sparks it may serve to uplift – all of the souls it might draw towards the Most High (Elyon) in the Resurrection and Ascension. This is the true aspiration for higher rungs of spirituality and enlightenment – to become empowered to be of the greatest possible benefit to others, and to serve the Divine Will and Divine Kingdom. After all, it is rather difficult to give what we have not received, or to teach and guide others in the Way if we ourselves do not sojourn in the Way. Thus, we seek to ascend and descend, and to run and return, to be empowered to serve and to uplift others – to be vehicles of the Light-presence and Light-power in the world.

It is through “returning” and “descending” that we are able to serve as vehicles or channels of the Light-presence and Light-power in this world, and it is through the daily continuum of the spiritual life and practice that we are able to uplift the sparks of others – of all living souls and spirits. As we gather in the sparks of our own soul into the Mystical Body of the Risen Messiah, and face the trials and tribulations that naturally come in life, we serve to gather in the sparks of others along with our own. Indeed, this is reflected in the practice of Giving and Receiving as taught in our lineage, which has its root in the Rite of Ransom, the mystery of the Crucifixion. At the outset we practice Giving and Receiving with Oneself, as a practice of self-purification; but the aim of the practice is the generation of the Sacred Heart of Christ, love and compassion for others, so that we can practice Giving and Receiving with complete sincerity for friend, stranger and enemy alike. In the practice of Giving and Receiving we use our experience of sorrow and suffering to identify with the sorrow and suffering of others, and we seek to take their grief and pain into our experience of grief and pain, so that through our grief and pain theirs might be relieved. In the Fruition Stage of Giving and Receiving we actually seek to exchange our light and joy for the darkness and suffering of others, seeking to liberate other spirits and souls from their karmic bondage; hence, we participate in the Rite of Ransom, the Passion and Crucifixion, with our Lord and Savior, Yeshua Messiah.

Giving and Receiving Meditation, of course, is a very powerful tikkune-healing practice and is known to all Sophian initiates, for it is among the basic spiritual practices we all share in common. Here, however, we may gain some insight into the wisdom of this practice which we teach to our novices, for from the very outset we are training practitioners in running and returning, and how to make use of the trials and tribulations of the spiritual life, and life in general, in the Great Work. In truth, we run so that we may return, and we ascend so that we may descend, empowered as laborers in the harvest of souls.

The teachings on the storing up our “treasure in heaven” relates directly to the Great Gesture – the giving of one’s life in service to others and in service of God (kavod Elohim). It also directly relates to the Holy Seal placed upon all our spiritual practices, for at the conclusion of every practice we ask that all living spirits and souls be blessed as we are blessed, and we give the merit or positive energy generated by our spiritual practice to all beings, praying that the sparks of others are uplifted. In other words, we do not engage in spiritual practice for ourselves alone, but for the sake of all sentient beings; we do not labor for our own personal salvation, but for the enlightenment and liberation of all living spirits and souls. If this is my intention in spiritual practice then it will not matter at what rung of spirituality I find myself, each day I will take up the spiritual life and practice for the sake of all my relations, for the sake of kavod Elohim.

You see, the spiritual labor in return or descent is not just about the integration of a higher rung of spirituality for myself, but it is a labor to bring down the mochin, shefa and ruhaniyut of higher rungs for others – the manifestation of the Sanctuary of Grace or Light Kingdom for others. This is reflected by the blessing-powers attributed to the tzaddikim, for if we look into them: all of the blessing-powers are oriented to the service of others, not to the tzaddik him or herself; all of the blessing-powers aim at the happiness and well-being of others, at the enlightenment and liberation of others.

You are perfectly correct, my brother, the “ascents” we experience in consciousness are for the sake of the “descents”; hence, seeking to embody the Truth and Light that has been revealed to us and to be of service to others through the Empowerment we have received. In this regard we might contemplate what Master Yeshua says to Nichodemus in the Gospel of St. John, “No one has ascended into heaven except the one who descended from heaven, the Son of the Human One” (John 3:13).

There is no doubt that at the outset we are more likely to take up the spiritual life and practice on account of the fear of God, rather than on account of the love of God; hence, seeking to mitigate Judgment, understanding the Law of Cause and Effect. Thus, it is written, “Fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.” Yet, the fear of God leads to the love of God, for we realize the mercy and compassion of God, the Divine Grace embodied in the Messiah, and drawing near to God we come to love God.

In regards to the fear of God, if a person withholds themselves from the Light saying, “It is because I fear God,” that is not the fear of God, but rather it is the fear of being exposed in the Light. If I say, “I fear God on account of sorrow or suffering I have experienced in drawing near to God,” that is not the fear of God, for the appearance of “Judgment” is the playing out of my own negative karma (“sin”), the fruit of the darkness to which I have previously clung, and this “fear” is extreme self-cherishing; only when I recognize this does the fear of God arise – the awe and wonder of the Creative Spirit of God in me, which gives rise to all of my experiences, whether in the form of sorrow and suffering or in the form of peace and joy. When this genuine fear of God arises in me, quite naturally I will fully take up the spiritual life and practice, seeking to master the mind, heart and life so that I can consciously direct the Creative Power of God within me in harmony with the Divine Will and Divine Kingdom – the Indweller of Light in me.

I mention this here because various versions of the false “fear of God” are common during the natural challenges that arise in the return or descent following an ascent in consciousness, or in the midst of the ordeals of initiation; false desires and false fears are what produce the experience of the Judgment/Ordeal – desires and fears that do not accord with our inner intelligence and supernal soul, or with the True Light.

Perhaps this may serve to extend the contemplation…

May the Holy Mother instruct us in wisdom, amen.

Blessings & shalom!
Tau Malachi

Sophia Fellowship

Ecclesia Pistis Sophia


#4 Postby BeingOFLight316 » Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:57 pm

Greetings everyone!

Just a thought that came up for me after reading this. Think of a man full of wisdom and light, sitting on a mountaintop. He sits there day after day...growing in power, wisdom, spirit, and truth. His life is dedicated to living and being his inner self...the Christ-self.

Yet, if he never leaves the mountain and speaks the wisdom of his heart. Never shares the truth he has known. Who does he help? What purpose does all that power and wisdom serve? It falls to nothing. Its a seed that has never died to flourish and grow and thus create. It stagnates.

This is a sad thing. Though he is gifted, and blessed he does not use his talents. He in essence has buried them. And thus the scripture says, the talent will be taken and given to another. Talent there I think can also mean mission/divine destiny and the abilities and gifts ones given to achieve it.

Jesus sat with "sinners." Ate with them, healed them, loved them, cried over them. Yeshua also said, the healthy do not need a physician. It is for the sick I come. <paraphrased that>

Can we do any less? Can we reach the heights of wisdom and power, and ability and truth, and NOT see others struggling, hurting, suffering as we do and NOT care? For myself, I still wish to recieve for myself. Is this wrong? Nope. Its a God-given desire to recieve. But, my intent, my purpose in reaching for what I desire is no longer my own.

I want what I want, so I can share it. Who among us has not wished that we could help a friend with money problems? Or seen someones relationship/marriage struggling and thought...if only I could help?

This I believe is what Malachi is speaking. The desire to recieve so that we may be a blessing to others. This is why we leave the "mountain top". So the decent isnt really a descent, I think. But, an opening of self to others. And expansion of ones conciousness to include others. To expand ourselves to become more than the world would have us believe we are. To live the truth of the commandment, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Peace and Love,

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We're all in this together

#5 Postby Steven » Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:19 am

Greetings All,

A wise Russian monk once said "Acquire the Holy Spirit and thousands around you will be saved" (St. Seraphim of Sarov, 1756-1833). Yeshua
Messiah instructs us to take the splinter out of our own eye first that we may see clearly to help our brother. It's also been said we go to hell alone but to heaven together (or words to that affect). In spite of all the apparent fragmentation of this fallen world, the message of all authentic spiritual traditions is ultimately the same: our job is to put it back together, making sure no sparks, splinters, fragments, etc, are left behind.
We're all in this together, folks. Let's get on with it.

May the Holy Spirit help us to complete the Great Work.


Tau Malachi
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Movement of the Light-indweller

#6 Postby Tau Malachi » Fri Jul 22, 2005 11:36 am

We have spoken of running and returning based upon the relative perspective of the incarnate individual; hence, the view of running as an ascent in consciousness and returning as a descent in consciousness, which accords with the experience of the spiritual life from the ordinary surface consciousness. We do, indeed, appear to ascend and descend between various rungs of spirituality and consciousness in the process of conscious evolution as we take up the spiritual life and practice. Yet there is another view of running and returning from the perspective of the Light-indweller (Christ) in us, one quite opposite to the view of the ordinary surface consciousness. We find this view, for example, in the Gospel of St. John, “No one has ascended into heaven except the one who descended from heaven, the Son of the Human One” (John 3:13).

The essential message of the Gnostic Gospel is this: You are a Person of Light who has come from the Light-continuum and who, in fact, has never departed from the Light-continuum; thus, entering into incarnation the Soul of Light “runs” into the world and departing from the incarnate state the Soul of Light “returns” to the Supernal Abode, the Light-continuum. From this perspective, the perspective of the Light-indweller, running is “descending” and returning is “ascending” – the view is the reverse!

The question becomes: What happens when one takes up the play of running and returning as experienced by the incarnate person, but centered in the Person of Light, the Indwelling Christ? How do we center ourselves in the Person of Light while we entertain this play of running and returning?

As we enter into incarnation in the material dimension we generate a self-identification with name and form, mortal being and the finite intellect, and personal history; thus, in effect, we forget the Person of Light that is in us. In the spiritual life and practice the key becomes dissolving our limited self-identification with name and form, and personal history, and generating in its place a new self-identification with fully evolved and enlightened being – the Light-indweller (Christ). This is called the generation of “spiritual self-worth” or “divine pride,” which coupled with spiritual humility, empowers us in the play of running and returning as experienced in the incarnate state.

This is reflected in the rite of baptism, for it is a ritual enactment of spiritual surrender and, at the same time, it is a letting go of the old unenlightened self and putting on of a new self in Christ; hence, when we go down into the waters of baptism we are dead and buried with the Christ-bearer and when we arise from the waters we are raised up with Christ in the Resurrection. In this action we generate a new self-identification with the Light-indweller (Christ) and then we seek to live in a Christ-like way; we actively take up the Divine Life.

This is the basic intention of all Partzufim Mediations, for while these practices may aim at the development of consciousness beyond the body (the transference of consciousness), they are also methods through which we generate spiritual self-worth; for the fruition of all partzufim practices is Union with the Partzuf – we are no longer identified with limited name and form, and personal history, but have generated a new self-identity with Divine Being (the Person of Light). This, of course, plays off the wisdom of the rite of baptism, so that through the Partzuf Mediation we are enacting the truth of our baptism into the Christian stream of the Light Transmission.

It is this that empowers a Gnostic practitioner in the play of running and returning as we experience it in the spiritual life and practice, for grounded in a new self-identity with the Light-indweller, from a “place” of spiritual self-worth, we are able to cooperate with Divine Grace to work out whatever obstructions might arise in the process of our conscious evolution towards the Most High (Elyon). Thus, in the face of any struggle or challenge the key becomes restoring our spiritual self-worth, our self-identification with the Indweller of Light, so that we can engage in a conscious response rather than an unconscious reaction.

(We may say that this self-identification with the Light-indweller [the Risen Messiah] is one meaning of “Makom” in the Christian Kabbalah.)

Generally speaking, what binds us during the ordeals of initiation, and the natural experience descent following an ascent to a new level of consciousness and spirituality, is self-judgment and low self-esteem. To work through whatever obstructions may be occurring requires that we let go of self-judgments and generate spiritual self-worth, for only then can we arise in faith, with confidence, to face the challenges that naturally arise.

Ultimately, it is not we who will accomplish the Great Work in us, but it is Divine Grace, the Light-indweller (Messiah) and Light-power (Holy Spirit) that accomplishes the Great Work; for our part we merely need to create the conditions necessary for Divine Grace to manifest. As we generate spiritual self-worth and identify ourselves with the Indweller of Light, more and more we find ourselves in repose, and experience the Light-presence and Light-power moving with, in and through us. This, of course, is the definition of spiritual humility: not “I” but Christ in me.

There is much more that can be said of “running and returning”; there are certainly more esoteric teachings associated with it. Our purpose in the discussion of running and returning from the angle we have pursued it is for the sake of being conscious in this process of spiritual development, and to get at some keys that allow us to consciously respond to cycles of regression that naturally follow cycles of progression in the evolutionary process.

May the Mother Spirit bless our coming in and going out, our running and returning, our ascending and descending, our moving and moving-not, amen.

Blessings & shalom!
Tau Malachi

Sophia Fellowship

Ecclesia Pistis Sophia

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#7 Postby Anna » Sun Oct 02, 2011 8:14 pm

Greetings and blessings in the Light of Messiah!
Yet there is another view of running and returning from the perspective of the Light-indweller (Christ) in us, one quite opposite to the view of the ordinary surface consciousness. We find this view, for example, in the Gospel of St. John, “No one has ascended into heaven except the one who descended from heaven, the Son of the Human One” (John 3:13).

In light of this quote and what has been said here I'm hearing that it is only the Anointed who descends and ascends, that we, of ourselves, do nothing. The Anointed accomplishes everything, including this ascent and descent. Perhaps this might be a good time to invite discussion of the more esoteric teachings associated with running and returning, all as Ma wills.

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Returning to Run

#8 Postby Elder Gideon » Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:51 pm

Greetings Sister Anna!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, just as he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before him in love. (Ephesians 1:3-4)

You draw out a necessary distinction in our maturity in the spiritual journey. We begin in ignorance, centered upon ourselves, desiring to receive for ourselves. Our dreams at night, our experiences in practice, our study are all about us. This orients us first from below looking 'up' from where in our ignorance we feel separated, apart, and are motivated to attain and aspire toward an enlightenment outside, beyond. This is all good, is all God, in our beginning.

Eventually, this chasm becomes a source of despair, particularly when my initial enthusiasm and 'honeymoon' with the Beloved becomes the hard work of relating day-to-day in all circumstances. If I'm to be consistent, as in a relationship, for sake of the relationship, I'll have to restrain what I want when I want it. This self-restraint will be the make-or-break point. Only if I'm identified both with the good times of the relationship and the hard work of restraining myself in the bad times will I come to an entirely different orientation, a breakthrough: Light Transmission.

What I've found in this has forever changed everything from within. All the while, thinking I was in search of something I lacked, it was the opposite. From the very beginning, my orientation looking up was actually opposite. Believing every dream, experience, and insight was ever about me was opposite. If but for a moment, an instance, of Light Transmission, what is revealed is entirely opposite: The beginning point changes forever. Who or what I ever thought myself to be is no more. The name, the form, the personal history feels as flat as a character in a sit-com between commercials.

In fact, in the Light Transmission is the suspension of all reference-points. What is understood beyond words is Awareness itself, bornless, sinless, and deathless. Awareness is wearing me, having no need of the reference points to exist. The only reason Awareness wears them, is so that the reference points may understand what wears them. As they yield to this, they give up the purification of their light, dissolving consciously into what wore them all the while. When reference points dissolve their obsolescence at will into this Awareness, they are redeemed.

Now the journey for me is mostly backwards. I am spiritual, having a material experience. I am awareness putting one foot in front of the other, willing to unknowing. I am light, clothed in a chimp suit. This orientation takes the goal for the path, centered in a new starting point. No longer is this my birthday, but my birth from above.

For some years now since first experiencing Light Transmission by the Shekinah's grace, this orientation has been tested in ways I could never have imagined, nor endured. Always, my new starting point is my new practice. I call out to Messiah for Grace to inform me of this when I most need it and swiftly, there's a shift. I'm in the same noisy room, but in a different space. I'm certain Messiah has accomplished this on our behalf simply to empower us to serve with immunity, to get dirty, cut, or even killed, serving to the last willing being left. When it's time to leave and what can be done has been done, the shift from here to there is accomplished.

From a perspective such as this, we are not running to return, but returning to run. This is the sacred heart of Messiah, returning to run, empowering us likewise to return and run. This of us who descended from heaven, returning to run, is the Human One.

From before the Creation, may we bow.

Elder Gideon+

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