i can see i am meant to be here

cynthia k
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:52 am

i can see i am meant to be here

#1 Postby cynthia k » Wed Sep 12, 2012 9:59 am

As an introduction, my name is Cynthia. I am a semi retired nurse, divorced mother of 4 grown sons. As a child, I had many mystical type experiences like Angel visitations, astral travel...also I always had memories of the other side before I was born as well as memories of other lifetimes ( as an adult I think these can be part of the collective unconscious but because of their personal nature I still respond to them as if they are mine ). Because my childhood was fairly traumatic...I decided god had abandoned me, so I made the decision to muddle through my life the best I could...with varying degrees of success and failure. 2 yrs ago I had a vivid dream that spelled out my failure to perform my purpose in this lifetime....so i began in earnest to search for that connection to god that I had lost. I was drawn to this site because of my interest in gnosticism...it seems to match my memories and beliefs most closely. I started reading here 2-3 o ago, and to be honest began to think i didn't belong here...I read a book on kaballa several years ago, but couldn't keep up with the terms and concepts.....then I read asher/asherah. So i need to share a vision I had on Sept. 1st while meditating. First I sensed an image of a wheel of darkness and light that had stopped spinning because it was in perfect balance. Then i sensed a directive that i only neepded to do 2 things, first see the face of Christ in every person and second to cause no harm, by deed word or thought. Then i felt a huge rush of energy all over my body. As i looked down at myself, I saw I was filled with the most brilliant light, it wasn't blinding it was just all consuming...like a diamond but more...I can't really describe it...and it spread through everything...the trees birds grass...you could still see their form but full of light...and when the birds sang I could hear the light. And the feeling of the light was like ecstacy in every pore of my body...i thought I would explode....and time was all inclusive. It was like I was in the future looking back at myself, and in the past looking into the future as well as right there. A voice (not out loud) told me I had made it, I had always been there since the beginning, it was never in doubt because it always was..we are always the light we just distract ourselves with the dance....then i saw a muddy film cover my light skin and I felt everything...the sadness frustrations and joys of life....and it was just excrutiatingly beautiful. My tears were running down my face, but they weren't bitter tears because I knew everything had its place and was never gone, and i wasn't attached to the outcome of the emotions even though they were so strong. I said it is just too much, can I take it slow and get used to it.....the voice said yes, begin in increments. I felt it once more since then and was able to hold it longer and stay calmer. I read asher/asherah last night, and it just seemed to.be describing my experience. So i felt I must have been drawn here for a reason after all, but please be patient with me because sometimes Yall are talking a foreign language to me.....but i am trying.

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#2 Postby sheryl » Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:22 am

Shalom Cynthia!

Welcome to our online community, and thank you for sharing of your recent experience. It is beautiful, inspiring. What a wonderful purpose!

It is curious that what stands behind the teachings on this board appears to have been shown to you, experientially, revealing that perhaps it is not so foreign after all!

It does take time, perseverance and patience, to become comfortable with the language. We have all gone through a similar learning curve.

If though you have any questions, please feel free to ask on the board, or pm any poster privately.

Again, welcome, and may Mother continue to bless you in your seeking.



cynthia k
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:52 am

#3 Postby cynthia k » Wed Sep 12, 2012 11:08 am

Thank you so much sheryl, for making me feel welcome and inspiring me to even hope I will eventually get it!! :lol:

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